Leoni Online Articles
The Tonight Show -- December 18 2000
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Jay Leno: My first guest -- a very talented and funny actress, she`s currently
starring in the new movie "The Family Man" with Nicolas Cage, it opens this
Friday, please welcome Tea Leoni! [applause and cheers from audience] How are
you doll? How are you? You look good! [Andrea`s note--more said, but very low,
can`t make out what it is.] Good to see ya!
Tea Leoni: Thank you.
JL-Good, I haven`t seen you in a long time--you`re a married woman--you and
David Duchovny--what happened to your fin...he didn`t hit you, did he? Why--that
animal...now what happened there?
[Andrea`s note--2 of Tea`s fingers on her right hand, I believe, are taped
together!]
TL-[she giggles.] I like that Jay, umm, [clears throat] I`ve been working on
"Jurassic Park III".
JL-Oh, okay!
TL-Yeah.
JL-Did a dinosaur do that?
TL-No, this is nothing. You should see him, I really got him right in the
kisser!
JL-Yeah, that looks like a pretty mean hook too--especially when you go like
this part [Jay gestures a punch--laughs from the audience]--that`s it, that`ll
keep the guys away pretty much, yeah.
TL-[she giggles.]
JL-`Cause I haven`t seen you--you married David, and then he took you off
somewhere, and what happened?
TL-No, we`ve just been, uhh, we`ve been making house, you know...
JL-Making house...right.
TL-...making a family. We, we got a house up north of LA, north of Malibu,
right where the umm, remember, like in `92, all the fires that went through...
JL-Oh yeah, land is pretty cheap there.
TL-[giggles] Yeah. [laughs from audience] We got a house right there...
JL-The trees are all about this tall now--yeah.
TL-...yeah, and uhh, we`ve just sort of been filling it up and you know...
JL-With what?
TL-...wood furniture, you know.
JL-Good, good, good. [laughs from audience]
TL-Ready to go down like that, yeah. But, umm, it`s been really fun, yeah.
JL-Is it a wood house?
TL-Yeah, it is...[she giggles] a wood house!
JL-Maybe throw a lamp over the light before you go out...
TL-Yeah, yeah.
JL-...maybe throw a jacket over the lamp before you go out.
TL-Yeah, that`ll be me running out with--anyway, but no, it`s fine, and uhh,
the thing is, that when you, when you get pregnant, what they don`t really tell
you is that right when, as you give birth to the baby, one half of your brain
pops out right behind it, so [laughs from audience]--never to be seen or heard
from again.
JL-Really--now, why do you say that, what is that based on?
TL-Well, it`s just that I got stupid--[laughs from audience] I did. I mean, I
don`t know if we can have any more children...that`ll be--
JL-[Jay giggles] How about marrying [he giggles more]--well did you, did you
remember to vote?
TL-[she pauses a few seconds] Oh--[big laughs from audience]
JL-We had an election, I know you probably didn`t get out...
TL-Yes, yes.
JL-Did you vote?
TL-Uhh, sort of.
JL-Now what do you mean, sort of? Were you in Florida? Whaddya mean...
TL-[she laughs--big laughs and applause from the audience] No, no, but I uhh,
should move there--no, I umm, got an absentee ballot, and I, left it at
home--[giggles] and I, actually David and I got home from work about midnight,
the night before the election--[Andrea`s note--that would be Monday, Nov. 6th]
and I opened up the ballot, and they give you a little workbook, you know, to
sort of practice--
JL-Like a think and do kind of thing?
TL-Yes, so you can circle in your answers before...
JL-Right. Practice before you make your final selection.
TL-...yes, before you actually get the voting card out and punch
it--chips--chips--punch chips...[Andrea`s note--Tea`s *really* having trouble
here getting the right word out correctly! Funny!]
JL-Chads.
TL-Chads! [big giggles from audience] Umm, that was a close one! [audience
still laughing!] Umm, and so I got out my book, and I`m not embarrased to say I
think we know now that just slightly more that half of America would agree with
me--I circled Gore--[Andrea`s note--Yay Tea! Though he lost the election
eventually to Bush--after the whole fiasco in Florida--not good IMO. Gore in
2004!] and uhh, and I was all ready, and I got out the voter card, and
uhh--bang! I voted for `Howard`.
JL-[confused laughter from audience--I`m confused too! There was no one named
`Howard` running for president!--Andrea] Who`s Howard? I didn`t know there was a
Howard on the...[more laughs from audience]
TL-I don`t even know if its `Mr.` Howard, Mr. `Paul` Howard, or `Howard`s`--I
voted for `Howard`. [laughs from audience] And umm...
JL-Wait, didn`t you just say you checked?
TL-Yes, I did it, and I, and I circled Gore, and he was #9, and `Howard` was
7, and at midnight--7, 9,--[Tea makes a noise with her tongue--more laughs from
audience] so uhh, but it was very funny because I felt very nervous and
embarrased to even admit to David that I had done this, and I sort of worked up
the nerve, and I said, "Honey, I uhh--I voted for `Howard`!" [laughs from
audience] And David said, "Well, you just voted for him--you didn`t sleep with
him, right?" [big laughs from the audience] And that`s very funny David,
thanks--now what? And so, then I, then I popped Gore, thinking, you know, that
would...
JL-You could go back--
TL-...because I didn`t want to vote for anybody else, and this is the way to
do it, and then I thought, "Oh my God, that`s gonna read like--`I just didn`t
want *these* two guys`--so I woke up again at 3 in the morning, and umm, voted
for everybody! [lots of laughter now from audience]
JL-Now, this is how Russia became communist.
TL-And, but listen--but listen, you know, I thought about it, and it`s my
vote, you know, I should be able to vote for as many people as I want.
JL-Sure, sure I think so--it`s a good theory...
TL-Yeah, you know, and I, and then they did the recount in Florida, and I
remember the guy going through the sheets that they couldn`t quite make out, and
there was one other guy in Florida, who also voted for everybody--[laughs from
audience] so that`s, you know, sheesh, felt a lot better about that.
JL-I`m sorry--how much of your brain did you say you lost with the baby?
TL-[laughs] Yeah, like I said-half.
JL-Just half?
TL-Just half. Yeah.
JL-Very troubling--no, no, I`m teasing.
TL-No.
JL-Now, you`re in this terrific new movie, but you`re back, and you`re doing
like this, and you`re very sexy in this movie, because you play this sexy girl
in the movie--the movie is "Family Man", but tell people what it`s about--is it
a Christmas story, I guess?
TL-Ahh, it is. It`s a great holiday classic. It sort of reaffirms the simple
life, and uhh, it`s very reminiscent of "It`s A Wonderful Life", and--
JL-Except for a very sexy shower scene!
TL-Welll, yes--I don`t know if it`s a *sexy* shower scene--
JL-I`m a guy, and I know a little something about this movie--and I know this
is not a punching holes in the ballot--yes, this is--
TL-Well, yes, it`s "It`s A Wonderful Life" with nudity--yeah...
JL-With nudity, just imagine, as if Donna Reed were naked basically.
TL-...it`s better, yes, that`s no problem.
JL-And you look great, by the way, you look very sexy in the shower...
TL-Welll, there`s just a *little* thing about that, because well, when I
filmed this, this "Family Man", I had just had a baby, and I had *physical*
concerns, and --[snorts] you know, I mean, I gained sixty pounds, I was a
beefcake!
JL-Really? [laughs from audience]
TL-Yeah, everything about the Burger King, in that chicken--oh God,
anyway--so [audience laughs] umm, and I had moral concerns, you know, from doing
a piece with my child, you know...
JL-Moral concerns?
TL-...and then I had this director, Brett Redner (sp?), a rather young, sort
of randy kind of guy--
JL-That`s English for horny.
TL-Yes, that`s English for horny. [laughs from audience] And I didn`t know
how we would shoot this scene, and I hadn`t seen the set, and he said, "Glass
door", and I said, "Body double!" Ha!
JL-And so that wasn`t you?
TL-Well no, so we ended up actually I, when I got there, now Jay--keep your
shirt on--and so when I got there, the glass door`s a little fuzzy, you know, so
uhh...
JL-Right.
TL-...but they had the body double, we shot it both ways, and that`s really
funny--because if you work with a body double, you know, you want to sort of
talk them through what your character`s like, and...
JL-Right.
TL-...what your character would do, and it`s a shower scene, and you know,
I`ve got to tell her what to wash, or how to wash it--[audience laughs] you
know, and I told her, you know, I`m really, I really want you to just "Wash
baby--like, `go for it!`" And I, I believe she did.
JL-Well, let`s see--here`s the clip--let`s take a look. Here`s the scene
we`re talking about here, now Nic has got--he doesn`t know [Andrea`s
note--starts to show the shower scene while Jay & Tea look at it]--he`s
never seen you naked before?
TL-No, well, he`s sort of getting a glimpse of the life...
JL-Could`ve been...
TL-..could`ve been if we`d been together.
{Andrea`s Note--scene continues and audience watches. Nicolas Cage-[knocks on
door] Hello? [there is a baby crying, and music blaring in the background--he
opens the door--Tea is singing a song very loudly with the music] TL-"Am I hard
enough, am I rough enough, am I rich enough..." [continues singing in
shower--hasn`t heard NC come in yet] NC-Hello? Hey! TL-[opens shower door] What?
NC-That baby`s crying. TL-And? [gives him an inquisitive look] Don`t give me
that look Jack--this is your day and you know it! Now listen, try to get Josh to
daycare on time, okay? [closes shower door and continues singing the song]
TL-"You`re a pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, such a pretty boy..." [scene
ends--audience cheers and applauds wildly]}
JL-Oh, oh, (?) you see, the nice thing about a body double is, it`s an exact
double, so you, so you can--
TL-Yeah--[snorts] yeah, I don`t know who that is Jay--
JL-Really? Could you find out for me? Anyway, the film is called "Family
Man", it opens Friday, right?
TL-Yes.
JL-Terrific! Well, welcome back, nice to see you again--Tea Leoni, thank you
Tea! Be right back with Giovanni Ribisi, right after this!
Transcribed by Andrea Tate for Fandom.com.
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